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A Tennessee woman, Dallas Archer, 22, was arrested last year for driving without a license and taken to the Kingsport Jail. During the get-naked-and-let-me-check-your-privates phase of the book-in, officers discovered she had 4-inch gun jammed up inside her vagina. The gun, a North American Arms 22LR revolver, had been reported stolen from a Tennessee car salesman in 2013. Archer was charged with bringing contraband into a penal facility. Because, Damn it… it’s a penal facility. Her attorney said he never got an answer from her as to why she was packing heat in her hoo-hoo. (Hey, I’ve just spent half-an-hour trying to find a decent term to call it…and there really are none, except hoo-hoo.)
Archer could have used the old “I don’t know how it got there! I must have sat on it” excuse that many emergency room doctors hear. But she pleaded guilty to her charges nonetheless, and was sentenced to three years in prison. So the next time you lose your keys and say “I’ve looked EVERYWHERE for them!” Well maybe you haven’t really looked….everywhere.