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Hey, you think your sex game is through the roof? Man, you ain’t got nothing compared to those on our list here. Now they’re REAL animals. Here are 5 stories sure to make you go…hmmmm….

1. Giant pandas are a very rare breed, and it’s really no wonder since they don’t have much of a liking for sex. But Kai Kai and Jia Jia absolutely surprised and delighted River Safari zoo researchers in Singapore when they went at it for a rigorous and record-breaking 40 minutes. This is seriously a sex marathon for pandas. And get this… a female panda’s ovulation cycle only lasts a few day a year, so it’s really important that pandas and researchers take advantage of that to keep the species alive and growing. Researchers even went to the extremes of making the environment for the pandas comfortable and sexually desirable as possible. The previous mating record, according to researchers, lasted just over 18 minutes. Along with the climate comfort, researchers have also resorted to Panda Porn, showing the animals movies of other pandas having sex. And guess what? It works.

2. Now I know all you 20-somethings out there are going “So what? 40 minutes. Big deal” Ha! Just wait till you get older… and let’s see where your sex game is when you’re 100 years old. Diego the Galapagos giant tortoise has fathered 800 tortoise babies, which is about 40 percent of his entire species, practically saving it from extinction single-handedly! O-M-G! Back in 1976, which is pretty much like yesterday to Diego, there were only 2 males and 12 females left in existence – Diego being one of them. So researchers sent him off to the Galapagos to mate, and boy, did he ever make the researchers – and I’m sure, his daddy – proud. So when the world’s population is devastated and reduced to just you and a few females, take one for the team, and do the Diego! Remember. The human race depends on it.

3. Sometimes, amorous couples can go at it all night long. The pectoral sandpiper can do that too. And the next night, and the night after that…. As a matter of fact, male sandpipers can go for three weeks straight without sleep just to constantly satisfy their sexual desires (I think I used to work with a few guys like that, but their partners were made of rubber). Anyway, the male sandpiper owns the world record for the longest period of uninduced sleep deprivation in the animal kingdom… or probably any kingdom, for that matter. One male was even recorded spending 95 percent of his 19-day awake time having sex. Gotta say, I have a new respect for sandpipers.

4. It’s not too often that different species have sex…. Unless you’re one of those featured in that Sex with Animals video I did last week. Geeesh… But animals typically don’t sex up other kinds of animals. Some fur seals, however, have been recorded making boom-boom with penguins on Marion Island, a sub-Antarctic island that serves as home to both species. Four incidents of this have actually been recorded, with the seal capturing and mounting the penguin, copulating for five minutes, resting, then doing it up to a few more times. In one of those incidents, instead of letting the penguin go afterwards, the seal killed and ate the penguin. Ugghhh…. Researchers say that having sex with penguins may be becoming a learned behavior for the seals on the island.

5. The first true bears lived about 27 million years ago and were the size of small dogs. Researchers in Croatia have reported that some male brown bears at a zoo are engaging in oral sex. They said that over the course of 116 hours of observation, the bears went at it 28 different times. Ok….here’s a fun fact. A man at a restaurant in Gabala ordered workers there to slaughter a live bear who was used at the entrance as an attraction, grill it and serve it to him and his friends. The man was drunk when he made this order and soon passed out. When he awoke, the bear was no longer at the entrance and there was a plate of meat staring up at him. He was handed a bill for over $600,000.

That’s all for today. What do you think about today’s stories? Let us know in the comments section below. Don’t forget to like us and be sure to subscribe for more stories like this. Get addicted to the good stuff.